Last week I had an experience which was very brief, but somehow seemed very important at the same time. I am hesitant to share it because it seems so insignificant, but I've thought about it a couple times since then and not many experiences get that much thought :)
I was sitting at work at my desk (it was most likely on Wednesday since that's normally my favorite day of the week) and I was going through my normal routine - filing papers, entering numbers into the computer, reading and responding to emails, generally trying to tidy my desk, blah blah blah, when suddenly I paused and I felt this overwhelming sense that I was really genuinely happy. It felt like my heart was beating outside my chest and I was on the verge of tears - all in an instant! And I didn't have any real reason to feel quite this happy. It was like a combination of contentment and peace and joy and rest all just melded at once and it was apparent at that moment that I really genuinely happy.
Now, please don't get the wrong idea - I'm not happy all the time. I'm not even content all the time. Since I've been in Norfolk I've been trying to learn the balance of keeping a healthy contentment for where you're at right now and a hunger to strive for more. For example - I've had a deep desire to be married for a couple years now. But, as you can see, it just hasn't happened! And every time I pray about it and ask God what's going on, I just feel him give me a desire to set my mind and my hands to work on what's in front of me right now - meaning, keep busy with the things that have opened up, like working on my pottery or being involved with the prayer ministry at my church, or building new friendships with people here, etc, etc. And as I've done that, it's given me a contentment that replaces the dispondency I can tend to feel...
From Psalm 105:
Honor his holy name with Hallelujahs,
you who seek God. Live a happy life!
Keep your eyes open for God, watch for his works;
be alert for signs of his presence.
I guess what I have learned is that when you keep your focus on what God is saying and he is doing, rather than all the other stuff that you lack answers for - it makes it much easier to appreciate Him and really be glad and thankful. And of course, we always keep asking and keep seeking Him and keep contending, but it's also good just to stop and be content.
2 comments:
Ash, I think what you said is really profound. (focus on what God is saying and is doing) Reading your entry made me really want to come and visit you in Norfolk. Maybe it's time to schedule another Bradley trip down there. This time I will stomp on MacArthur's wife's tomb.
Ash, I totally understand this post. I have had that exact same instant of contentment several times here in CA and then have also had the "I wish" moments as well. It's good to hear others feel the same as I do :)
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