Contentment

Last week I had an experience which was very brief, but somehow seemed very important at the same time. I am hesitant to share it because it seems so insignificant, but I've thought about it a couple times since then and not many experiences get that much thought :)

I was sitting at work at my desk (it was most likely on Wednesday since that's normally my favorite day of the week) and I was going through my normal routine - filing papers, entering numbers into the computer, reading and responding to emails, generally trying to tidy my desk, blah blah blah, when suddenly I paused and I felt this overwhelming sense that I was really genuinely happy. It felt like my heart was beating outside my chest and I was on the verge of tears - all in an instant! And I didn't have any real reason to feel quite this happy. It was like a combination of contentment and peace and joy and rest all just melded at once and it was apparent at that moment that I really genuinely happy.

Now, please don't get the wrong idea - I'm not happy all the time. I'm not even content all the time. Since I've been in Norfolk I've been trying to learn the balance of keeping a healthy contentment for where you're at right now and a hunger to strive for more. For example - I've had a deep desire to be married for a couple years now. But, as you can see, it just hasn't happened! And every time I pray about it and ask God what's going on, I just feel him give me a desire to set my mind and my hands to work on what's in front of me right now - meaning, keep busy with the things that have opened up, like working on my pottery or being involved with the prayer ministry at my church, or building new friendships with people here, etc, etc. And as I've done that, it's given me a contentment that replaces the dispondency I can tend to feel...

From Psalm 105:
Honor his holy name with Hallelujahs,
you who seek God. Live a happy life!
Keep your eyes open for God, watch for his works;
be alert for signs of his presence.

I guess what I have learned is that when you keep your focus on what God is saying and he is doing, rather than all the other stuff that you lack answers for - it makes it much easier to appreciate Him and really be glad and thankful. And of course, we always keep asking and keep seeking Him and keep contending, but it's also good just to stop and be content.

So, what are you passionate about?

Let me first just say that I love Easter! I really do. I can't think of any other event in the history of time that has more profoundly impacted my life personally (not to mention the rest of the world).

Needless to say, our Pastor preached an excellent message about the Resurrection. He titled it "Live your Best Life" and talked about how the resurrection is what enables us to actually live the very best life that God has for us. At one point he asked the question, What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? I've heard this question before, but in the past I've always dismissed it because it is too overwhelming for me to think about. I've always thought to myself, "Well, God has his own timing for things, and if I just take step after step, I'm sure He'll lead me to the right place and I'll get there at exactly the right time." But what I really was feeling was simply fear. It was fear of failure combined with fear of walking away from the Lord combined with a general dose of laziness. But Pastor Dan mentioned something on Sunday that really set me free from all that - he said that no amount of your own will power can get you to your goals or dreams. It's not dependent on anything you can work up or produce. It's simply the power of Jesus and his resurrection inside of you that can produce any amount of change in your life!

Now, I've heard that before, and I have come to the realization in the past that I can't do anything in my own strength, but somehow when he said that on Sunday, I just thought, "Oh, well, if it's not about me and it's up to Jesus, what would I do?" What would I do?? And the first thing that came to my mind was, I would take my little self to Sudan and sit there and pray until Jesus does something miraculous. The second thing that came to mind was, I would ask God for divine opportunties to speak the gospel to every person in my condo building. Can you imagine how awesome that would be?!

I was talking with Dave about my thoughts yesterday and he said, "And you do realize that the things deep inside that you're passionate about are the very things God wants you to do? I mean, doesn't everyone do only the things they really care about?" And I thought, well, that would make sense, but I don't think it happens very often in the real world.

Yesterday I found a website of a photographer who has traveled the world taking pictures of many major world events/tragedies. He is Danish and there isn't a whole lot of background on his site on why he does what he does, but it's pretty clear from his portfolio what he is passionate about. http://www.jangrarup.com/ I always wonder if people can tell just by looking at my life what I care most about...


So, what are you passionate about?

Blogging and Me

If I could put up a picture of me and my friend Blogging standing shoulder to shoulder, you would probably see me with a half grin on my face like, "help!" and a short stubbly person who I very much try to be friends with, but just can't seem to find enough time or interest to make the relationship work. Ah well, good thing this person doesn't actually exist.

So, I am happy to report that I have acquired a new hobby. "Hobby" might not be the right word, probably more appropriate would be "part time job"! For whatever reason, both of my parents seem to think I am the perfect person to help my dad with his Unified Church vision, specifically by assisting (read: doing) with programming the website! I'm not sure how they got this crazy idea in their heads, but I'm actually enjoying it so far. I bought a book from Barnes and Noble called Learning PHP and mySQL and it has proven very informative thus far. It's amazing how many new geeky computer programming vocabulary words I've learned. And despite my inexperience, it's actually pretty interesting and easy to pickup. The only challenging part is that you don't just learn one language and then the next, you literally have to learn them all simultaneously. Plus HTML - they sort of assume you already know that or can learn it just by seeing it. I guess that's how programmers work. Crazy kids.

Another exciting thing that happened to me in the last week was that a girl came up to me in the grocery store and invited me to her church's women conference! A few hours later she wanted to know if I wanted to join a Bible study. The next day she invited me to a night out dancing (which I declined) and to church the next day. I did tell her that I'm a Christian and I do study the Word and I do attend a church already, but I don't think the words were communicated very effectively. I feel as though I'm being pursued like a regular non-believer, it's great! Tonight we're meeting for a time of discipleship, so we can review the basics like repentance, baptism, salvation, etc. I'm looking forward to it... always good to review the basics. Mainly I just like meeting new people. The whole thing makes me laugh so hard, but I try to keep it on the inside when I talk to her. ;)