Contentment

Last week I had an experience which was very brief, but somehow seemed very important at the same time. I am hesitant to share it because it seems so insignificant, but I've thought about it a couple times since then and not many experiences get that much thought :)

I was sitting at work at my desk (it was most likely on Wednesday since that's normally my favorite day of the week) and I was going through my normal routine - filing papers, entering numbers into the computer, reading and responding to emails, generally trying to tidy my desk, blah blah blah, when suddenly I paused and I felt this overwhelming sense that I was really genuinely happy. It felt like my heart was beating outside my chest and I was on the verge of tears - all in an instant! And I didn't have any real reason to feel quite this happy. It was like a combination of contentment and peace and joy and rest all just melded at once and it was apparent at that moment that I really genuinely happy.

Now, please don't get the wrong idea - I'm not happy all the time. I'm not even content all the time. Since I've been in Norfolk I've been trying to learn the balance of keeping a healthy contentment for where you're at right now and a hunger to strive for more. For example - I've had a deep desire to be married for a couple years now. But, as you can see, it just hasn't happened! And every time I pray about it and ask God what's going on, I just feel him give me a desire to set my mind and my hands to work on what's in front of me right now - meaning, keep busy with the things that have opened up, like working on my pottery or being involved with the prayer ministry at my church, or building new friendships with people here, etc, etc. And as I've done that, it's given me a contentment that replaces the dispondency I can tend to feel...

From Psalm 105:
Honor his holy name with Hallelujahs,
you who seek God. Live a happy life!
Keep your eyes open for God, watch for his works;
be alert for signs of his presence.

I guess what I have learned is that when you keep your focus on what God is saying and he is doing, rather than all the other stuff that you lack answers for - it makes it much easier to appreciate Him and really be glad and thankful. And of course, we always keep asking and keep seeking Him and keep contending, but it's also good just to stop and be content.

So, what are you passionate about?

Let me first just say that I love Easter! I really do. I can't think of any other event in the history of time that has more profoundly impacted my life personally (not to mention the rest of the world).

Needless to say, our Pastor preached an excellent message about the Resurrection. He titled it "Live your Best Life" and talked about how the resurrection is what enables us to actually live the very best life that God has for us. At one point he asked the question, What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? I've heard this question before, but in the past I've always dismissed it because it is too overwhelming for me to think about. I've always thought to myself, "Well, God has his own timing for things, and if I just take step after step, I'm sure He'll lead me to the right place and I'll get there at exactly the right time." But what I really was feeling was simply fear. It was fear of failure combined with fear of walking away from the Lord combined with a general dose of laziness. But Pastor Dan mentioned something on Sunday that really set me free from all that - he said that no amount of your own will power can get you to your goals or dreams. It's not dependent on anything you can work up or produce. It's simply the power of Jesus and his resurrection inside of you that can produce any amount of change in your life!

Now, I've heard that before, and I have come to the realization in the past that I can't do anything in my own strength, but somehow when he said that on Sunday, I just thought, "Oh, well, if it's not about me and it's up to Jesus, what would I do?" What would I do?? And the first thing that came to my mind was, I would take my little self to Sudan and sit there and pray until Jesus does something miraculous. The second thing that came to mind was, I would ask God for divine opportunties to speak the gospel to every person in my condo building. Can you imagine how awesome that would be?!

I was talking with Dave about my thoughts yesterday and he said, "And you do realize that the things deep inside that you're passionate about are the very things God wants you to do? I mean, doesn't everyone do only the things they really care about?" And I thought, well, that would make sense, but I don't think it happens very often in the real world.

Yesterday I found a website of a photographer who has traveled the world taking pictures of many major world events/tragedies. He is Danish and there isn't a whole lot of background on his site on why he does what he does, but it's pretty clear from his portfolio what he is passionate about. http://www.jangrarup.com/ I always wonder if people can tell just by looking at my life what I care most about...


So, what are you passionate about?

Blogging and Me

If I could put up a picture of me and my friend Blogging standing shoulder to shoulder, you would probably see me with a half grin on my face like, "help!" and a short stubbly person who I very much try to be friends with, but just can't seem to find enough time or interest to make the relationship work. Ah well, good thing this person doesn't actually exist.

So, I am happy to report that I have acquired a new hobby. "Hobby" might not be the right word, probably more appropriate would be "part time job"! For whatever reason, both of my parents seem to think I am the perfect person to help my dad with his Unified Church vision, specifically by assisting (read: doing) with programming the website! I'm not sure how they got this crazy idea in their heads, but I'm actually enjoying it so far. I bought a book from Barnes and Noble called Learning PHP and mySQL and it has proven very informative thus far. It's amazing how many new geeky computer programming vocabulary words I've learned. And despite my inexperience, it's actually pretty interesting and easy to pickup. The only challenging part is that you don't just learn one language and then the next, you literally have to learn them all simultaneously. Plus HTML - they sort of assume you already know that or can learn it just by seeing it. I guess that's how programmers work. Crazy kids.

Another exciting thing that happened to me in the last week was that a girl came up to me in the grocery store and invited me to her church's women conference! A few hours later she wanted to know if I wanted to join a Bible study. The next day she invited me to a night out dancing (which I declined) and to church the next day. I did tell her that I'm a Christian and I do study the Word and I do attend a church already, but I don't think the words were communicated very effectively. I feel as though I'm being pursued like a regular non-believer, it's great! Tonight we're meeting for a time of discipleship, so we can review the basics like repentance, baptism, salvation, etc. I'm looking forward to it... always good to review the basics. Mainly I just like meeting new people. The whole thing makes me laugh so hard, but I try to keep it on the inside when I talk to her. ;)

Off to my happy place...

Funny story of the day:

Dave (my boss) called me laughing and said, "Ash, I have the funniest story. I'm just not sure if you're going to laugh or get very angry with me." Then he proceeded to tell me about his morning:

I was driving along, answering phone calls, taking care of business, doing my normal routine. Jon called me and I had to call him back because I was in the middle of other calls. So I took care of my other calls and completely forgot about Jon. I was just strolling down the highway, content and happy as a bug. I wasn't listening to the radio or anything, I was just in my own happy place, completely unaware of anything else I had to do. Then, I started laughing hysterically! And I said to myself, "Oh my gosh!! This is the happy place that Ashlee goes to!" [This is the point at which I started laughing hysterically.] I finally remembered and called Jon back and told him the whole story and he laughed and said, "Do you think that's a place Ashlee just goes, or do you think she lives there?" [More hysterical laughter on my part.]

He assured me that they weren't making fun of me, that they just love me so much and that's why they think it's funny. I told him I think it's great to be a person that's thought of as being generally happy in and of myself without any other influences. Naturally, I instinctively dismissed any thought of implications relating to my being slightly oblivious to the world around me or forgetful of what I'm doing. That was just Dave :)

And I'm off!

From Port St. Lucie, FL

Dave sent me this picture today from his morning walk. He titled it "God's faithfulness" and commented on how the Bible says it's great. I think what he meant to call it is "Florida has the most awesome weather ever, and did I mention it's 65 all the time?!?" but of course that would have been too long a caption for one picture.






Can anyone say "road trip"???

Movie Review

[JSYK, this is my attempt at writing more posts. Quantity over quality this time around.]

Last night I saw the best movie I've seen in a very long time (PS I love you comes in a close second), and it is: 3:10 to Yuma. Excellent, excellent.

Sadly enough, I don't think this movie had enough advertising or enough publicity. I vaguely remember reading an article on cnn.com about Christian Bale and how he worked for months to prepare for this film out in Arizona, riding horses and working on his scruff. You feel me. Anyway, since most of my entries have been in list form, here are my reasons for loving this film:

1. It has my number one favorite thing to happen in a movie: The character changes! From the beginning to the end of the film, they are no longer the same. Consequently, I almost always despise movies where the main character has some serious flaws in the beginning and in the end is exactly the same. Probably why I will never really be able to appreciate Gone with the Wind. Sad.

2. Christian Bale. This morning as I was getting ready for work, I was replaying the film Newsies in my head and just making mental notes of why I appreciate him so much as an actor. His acting in this particular movie was wonderful - his voice sounded like someone else's, completely unrecognizable (and I have the authority to make this judgment because on Sunday night I watched Batman Begins, so I can remember his voice.)

3. Semi-historical/biographical nature. I also very much appreciate movies that are either based on a true story, or based on a period of time where real events happen, though this particular story may not have been true. It really made me think about what life must have been like for people in the 1800s, dealing with sickness without modern medicine, having the railroad going through their land, having cowboy gangs rule small towns, etc. My previous knowledge of this time period was probably based mostly on Tombstone ("Ash, your knowledge of history is based on movies?" Yes. This is why Rich is teaching my kids history.)

4. Almost made me cry. Not many movies can make me cry, it happens rarely. I did get all choked up in this one, though, and that's close enough. I think it was in the ending.


If you haven't seen it, see it! [That's an order from The General herself.]

A Year in Review

Recently I was reading in the book of John when Jesus fed the 5,000. The next day, the crowds of people came searching for Him again and he responded to them by saying, "I assure you, you have been searching for Me, not because you saw the signs and miracles but because you were fed with the loaves and were filled and satisfied." He goes on to tell them not to toil for the food that perishes, but to strive for the lasting food which endures unto eternal life.

This concept was very challenging to me, especially at the turn of the new year. I was struck at how often times in our lives God does incredible things - answers prayers, performs miracles on our behalf, changes all kinds of circumstances - and yet, his purpose in doing all of these things is not simply so that we can be "fed", so to speak. I believe that God's purpose in these everyday workings, big and small, is to cause us to believe on Him more than we do now, to entrust ourselves into his care in a greater and deeper way. John 6:29 "This is the work that God asks of you: that you believe in the One Whom He has sent."

So, going back to my point, I've been challenged to review and take an account of the great things that God did in the last year, 2007. It was an incredible year for me...

To start off, in the first week of January of 2007, God gave me a scripture to hold on to for the rest of the year: Luke 1:37, "For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment." Of course, I held on to this scripture for about a month and then promptly forgot it. Thankfully, God continued to do the impossible the rest of the year without my remembering his promise.

These are the "impossible" things which happened the rest of the year:

1. I purchased a home. Those of you in DC know the impossibility of this quest, especially for a single person. However, I held this dream out before the Lord, fully believing it was impossible and he came through! Of course, the circumstances didn't quite work out as I had envisioned - it was actually better than I could have imagined. Not only did I find a home that I liked and was at a reasonable price, but two incredible things happened: 1. I offered $18k less than the listing price and they accepted without any negotiations!, and 2. I had two people who were interested in investing in the Norfolk area actually put down cash on my home as an investment, thus saving me beaucoup amounts in interest and PMI! I could not have foreseen either of these things happening and it seemed like God just orchestrated it all for me. Talk about amazing.

2. I completed a triathlon. If you want to read the details, go to my first post (skip the one underneath this one, and it's next...hehe). Definitely an impossible. I actually didn't believe it was possible even on the day of the event. The whole time it seemed impossible, that's why I called that post "Doing the Impossible". There was never a point when I said to myself, "I think maybe I can do this!" No, never. It was always a mystery, that's what makes it so incredible to me that I actually finished.

3. I left DC. Now, this one is a littler harder to understand from the outside why exactly this would be impossible, so I will try to explain. In general, my personality lends itself well to adjusting to its surroundings. I normally can bend on most things in a disagreement and one of my weaknesses is that I tend to desire peace at all costs. The outcome of this is that unless a situation is extremely uncomfortable (as in, not tolerable in any way whatsoever, even for me), I won't change it. At least this was my attitude in the past. Of course, I'm always trying to be diligent about seeking God and changing behaviors in my life that don't line up to the Word. I'm more referring to big life changes, such as where you live, work, etc. An example of my past inclination would be when I stopped working at La Perla (the restaurant I worked at during college). When I think back about the kind of situations I put up with there, I'm amazed that I stayed as long as I did. God literally had to defeather the nest to an intolerable place such that I literally had an emotional breakdown at work before I realized it might be time to go. So, the amazing thing about leaving DC was simply that I did not want to leave. In every way, I loved life. I had a great church, my job was working out great, I had an incredible family and friends, and don't even get me started on the Lukie B. To leave a place of comfort required very clear communication from the Lord. After I arrived in Norfolk I suddenly realized what I did and I got so happy! I said, "God! I really do follow you no matter what! That's incredible!"

As I've reflected back about these three things and the real purpose that God had, I can see that 2007 was a year of teaching me to stand on my own two feet, just me and God. Being willing to walk away from everything comfortable to reach the goodness that God promised - that was it. And now I'm terribly excited about 2008. In every way it's a year of new beginnings. I don't have a new verse for the year yet, but in the last 2 weeks, I've already had things start changing. I look forward with great anticipation to the coming year!

What about you - what did God do for you in 07???